When societal perception gets on your nerves

If you were born where I was born and raised, you would be surprised at the words that come out of my mouth, the thoughts in my head and the things I write. In my world, a woman is raised to the be neck and the man the head; an analogy often used to hid the real intent of patriarchy.  In a home where you are told to look for a good rich man, who will take care of you, and all you have to do is play house and submit.

 “Submit.”  they said.

I don’t understand how women don’t see the intensity of the word, and the actual meaning of it, which to me is just but another form of slavery. I was sitting on a bus in the morning, and the radio presenter was holding a talk on how men are going for uneducated women to marry instead of the enlightened ones. The talk was met with a lot of calls from people complaining of how educated women don’t submit and cater to their needs as they should, that in the modern day women have garnered too much power which is getting into their heads. You would expect the presenter, who was a woman, to conclude the talk with words like,  marriage is a companionship not an employment with one person bossing around the other. Sadly and to my disappointment, she ‘advised’ women to submit to their men, attend to their needs, listen and obey them, since every woman needs a man and no one wants to live alone.

I could not wait to get out of that bus, walking to the office all I could think about is;

What kind of fucked up society raised this person to believe that they have that sort of power?

Who said men are the heads and not the necks?

 Who gave men the standing of the head of the house?

 Who in their right minds saw a woman as powerless enough that she should live her life to please a man?

I was angry, infuriated; I think I was even mumbling some words under my breath as I alighted from the bus. I was raised by a single mother who also believes in patriarchy kind of society and men having ‘one over women,' you would think that is how I turned out. I have always been bitter when remarks such a those made in the radio station are made; I was even madder when my classmate, psychology student, aired the same comments in class, saying education has destroyed women making them think they are equal to men.

Tell me this, in what way are women not equal to men? What way?

Last I checked the only difference existing between men and women are more physiological and less related to power. Just because I have a vagina and you have a penis, it does not earn you one over me, as a matter of fact, this our vaginas have nothing to do with who we are as people.

In high school I was told girls are good at languages so better leave the sciences to the boys, I went ahead and did three sciences and aced them, to show them a girls’ ‘fragile’ brain can also crack organic chemistry even better than boys.

What is my point?

I dream of a day that the society will understand that gender is just but a social construct;

 A day that women will realize they are more than homemakers;

 A day that men will wake up and realize what their ancestors taught them is more of a fallacy;

A day that the society will not see man or woman but just a person;

A day when society will not see wife and husband but just two people that love each other;

Schools that don’t see a male and female student but just a student.

My dream may seem far-fetched, but I think we nee it more than ever especially in our society today.

My ‘Gaycation’ experienc

I was one of those queers that stayed in the closet for so long, the denial created an idea that I was straight and if not straight, bisexual. My come out was in phases, which were themed by a lot of fear of what I would discover about myself. As a matter of fact, I ‘came out’ because I was tired of being in the closet. You know those moments you keep on denying something, like say your laundry, till your closet in empty and the dirty clothes start bugging you, it was my exact experience. I was tired of dating men, where I would be drawn to women more that they did, we would be walking in the streets, and my eyes follow a woman’s ass for so long till the guy starts questioning what is up with me. I was tired of praying this ‘affliction’ out, and it only got worse.

Although coming out is one thing, the other is discovering this whole new community of queers that share passionately about pussy as you are, and there is no judgment whatsoever. The labels, dang it! That shit kept on confusing me, I had to sit down one day and do my research. For a moment I was to ask Google if there is a lesbian manual, which could help me navigate through this new found community. Plus at that moment you don’t want to be the one asking, what a stud is, for the reactions from people always made me feel like less of a lesbian for not knowing. I would say that I was lucky that the first couple of queers I met introduced me to this dope LGBTQI organization, which created a safe space for me to meet people, get to figure out my queer self and even get access to material to help me in the same. I discovered I was so much attracted to the studs more than femmes, which considering I was a tomboy was stigmatized, so I never pursued it. Here I was with this low-key crushes that I could not pursue since I was not confident, I just got here, so I don’t want to lose a friend because of this ‘weird’ relationship and most of my crushes talked ill of the stud for stud relationships. We hit the club one time, and I notice this lovely lady, whom we started dancing with and exchanging a few words on the dance floor. We exchanged phone numbers and got to texting, which leads to my first lesbian relationship that happened hella fast. We went from strangers to partners real quick, quicker than I expected.My first girlfriend gave me the wrong idea of relationships, where since I was the tomboy she assumed that should provide, pamper her, pay her bills and all that. I have mortified because I was just a student, I could barely feed myself let alone spend my money on my girlfriend, so I called it off.

After a couple of relationships that did not last more than three months, I decided to take a chill pill, relax and focus for a real bit. In my period of reflection, I realized I do not give a fuck about labels; I love women however they come and regardless of what their identity. I began to detest the heteronormative mindset behind stud and femme relationships, where I could see studs domesticating their femmes that to me was just an evolved form of patriarchy. Just because you dress a certain way and consider yourself dominate, it does not mean you are in any way superior to your fellow women. I discovered that I don’t want to identify with any label, for I am a free spirit that can not be boxed into one thing. It dawned on me that I should not rush into a relationship, in as much as, women get emotionally entangled fast, that I should take time and get to know someone.

I wish I could tell you that after the discoveries I found myself the love of my life, and we are soon celebration our second anniversary, but it is not the case. I have been single for the longest time, not because there is no one but because I am choosy as fuck. I believe love is not just something that should just be taken for granted and given to anyone. I am one of those old souls that believe in connection, and spiritual sparks, which may be why am still single, a statement I hear a lot from my friends. What most people do not understand is that there is peace in being single, where you are not in a hurry for anything, not desperate, you just want life to play itself out. In other words, I want to see what Cupid has in store for me, and as I wait am making peace with my demons and trying to form an M.O.U with them.