A long awaited confession

My dear queer self,
I have always been aware of your existence since I made out with my neighbor(girl) in class two.
Guess you wanted to show yourself present that early huh?
But after sometime, when I actually became aware that you in me makes me different. I froze and I started pushing you to extinction.
Oh! How I tried you know it....
I thought I succeeded until you came back in high school.
When I would look at girls and just go insane, when I had this huge crush for my classmate. Oh! Those lips would take away my sanity. I wanted them so bad but I just couldn't gather the courage.
You really proved your point then and I was afraid you would just become dominant. I freaked a lot at that, especially when i started getting hit on. I knew they started to see you in me.
With the way I was raised, I didn't want that. Especially with how other queers were treated, I feared it.
So I dedicated all my time to books, I went to catechism. Lol. I really did. I got my sacraments and all. I was reading the Bible in church. Hanging out with the priest and sisters.
I would condemn you out so hard for a moment there I thought you were actually gone.
What a rough journey you would say...
As if that wasn't enough I got saved in university, my spirituality was at a 100 if that exists. I would speak in tongues and all those motions of Christians. I was even an official in the Christian union. Trust me that is like the ultimate sign of a strong Christian.
You would think with all this and from the stories I heard that you would be "christian-ed" out of me.
They said it is against the Bible and God didn't approve of you.
They said it was a great sin...
Oh! How I attend the seminars and conferences calling you an abomination.
I even listened to spoken words by people who had acknowledged you but God saved them from you. And now they are married to a guy.
I believed it I really did.
But when I would be chilling with my bff(strong Christian)  and all I could think about is kissing the heaven out of her, fondling those awesomely round boobs and make her call my name. Moaning  out of pleasure. God! I would give it to her.
Then it hit me you are still alive and kicking, and obviously "hungry".
Then I thought of starting to see if the "D"  would make you go away. I dated, had FWBs, boottycalls  at speed dial.
But it only made you more alive in me, then one day it's like there was a coup de tout inside me. And the whole inside of me changed. Whatever was dominant in me you completely overtook.
I suddenly didn't feel anything for a men, but for women I felt a lot of things. Some guy I even had feelings for at that time , they completely went away.
And as if you had planned this all along, I suddenly had loads of friends who are like me.
I must say I have never been so happy in my life, at peace and liberated. You being a dominant quality in me is one thing I will never regret.
I suddenly feel like a caged animal who has been made free after a very long long time.
And trust me, am never trying to push you away, point proven, you are here to stay.
In a country like Kenya, where the LGBT community is small and faces a lot of rejection. I mean just the other day they banned a remix video of same love by macklemore and Ryan Lewis,  made by art attack. Which was bringing out the struggle of gay people in Kenya. Moreover, the other day I even read a story of a girl here who got raped by her colleagues at work. Then they left her a note:
DON'T BE GAY IT'S A FILTHY SIN
That's the country we living in, while others are freely getting married in South Africa and the states. That is happening in Kenya.
It shall be hard but with the happiness I feel with you being a main part of me. We shall make it through.
You are me and I am you.
Always and forever a part of each other.
Nothing will tear us apart, even if we finally decide to come out to our family. And they disown us or something like that.
We have been through it all together and trust me am never letting you go or become extinct in me.
It's you and me my queer self.

Yours with love,

Jarkie.