this how i start off 2015

27 days into the new year,and happy new year everyone.
This time am doing it a little bit different, new year with new things right?
well 2014 has been the hardest year i have had all my life in all aspects, socially,spiritually,emotionally and all other aspect even those i don't know exist.its a miracle and by Gods grace that am still alive and having my body in one piece.No, i did not get into an accident or something but it kinda felt like i did.Hit rock bottom with my head first,you can imagine the ordeal.
But hey,it is a new year and am hopeful and trusting more on GOD.

so here is something i feel summarizes my 2014.#a poem from my heart.

This kind of pain is different,not similar to the one i had or have always had of being like the unwanted child.
And not like that of having an on and off father,appearing in my success n disappearing when am in need..a friend in deed?don't you think
Not like the pain of losing a long time friends because they are moving away.
Not like the pain of watching your friend stay high and drunk to erase the problems they face.
Not like the pain of watching a loved one waste way in a hospital bed with your hands tied.
This kind of pain is different not like the one that overwhelms every fiber of your being when you see the casket lowered.
Not like the pain of betrayal,neglect and being abandoned by your own flesh and blood.
Not like the pain of being the black sheep all your life comforted only but the tears that drench your pillow every night.
This pain annihilates all happiness there in,as a matter of fact every positive emotion it dismisses.
It sucks the life out of you leaving you hopeless and lifeless.
All you see is the worst of everyone even when they mean good.
Here Is the worst part,when this pain is bottle up it erupts as an emotional breakdown.........
this kind of pain is poisonous and infectious not to mention contagious.
its rubs off on everyone around you...
this pain is not medical it goes deeper than the physical its in the soul,its in the spirit deep within beyond a cardiologist reach.......
its like a circle its end and beginning is unknown even withe writing about it i don't know how to end....
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