Father's day

I did not know it was father's day until I went to church and it was announced. As tradition has it in our church in such a day the leader of the service requests us to text our fathers and wish them a happy fathers day. It sounds like a simple activity to just text but it was hard for me to write the words she said. To me they were not just mere words but words that should come from the heart.
All this got me thinking of this whole father affairs in this 21 st century. Approximately 85% of the people I have interacted with in my life always have this father issues. Be it absent fathers,abusive fathers,passive fathers among others and it causes a lot of sorrow in my heart.
I cannot stop wondering what actually happened to taking responsibility,parenting among other virtues.
The question is where have we gone wrong? Who is to blame for this menace?Bishop TD Jakes once preached a sermon about fathers and he pointed out that,majority of the convicts he has talked to always have issues with their fathers.
It gets me thinking the more this continues,the more irresponsible father we are breeding. The more the irresponsible fathers the more emotionally damaged the children get.
My solution in all this is,it starts with the individual. You are the emotionally damaged child make the decision to be different,to raise your kids different.
It for the guys who have not yet become fathers to purpose in their hearts to be different. To be present,to be there for his child,to help them through life.
I have met guys who have been brought up by absent fathers and they decide to be different in future. To bring up their children in a whole different way than that of their absent fathers. It takes such people to change and annihilate this menace.
Absent and passive fathers have lead to a generation of women that are overly independent, in that they believe they do not need men. Perception of men has been tainted by the fathers that have brought us up. It has lead to a lot of damage especially emotionally to a great deal of people either directly and indirectly.
From another angle if you check out the social media on mothers day, everyone single person is celebrating their mothers. Ironically on fathers day they are few that celebrate their fathers even using their fathers pictures as their profile pictures.
It tells a lot about the perception that  we have held about our fathers. And I would say am no exception for it weren't for this church service I would not have sent that text to my father.
Thus it all starts we each one of us taking up the responsibility to change this situation.

"The one" for you

A fellow blogger of mine posted a blog recently about what he would be to his kid, yes you heard me right a he. In this age and time to me every word i read seemed unbelievable considering what i have seen in the years i have been on earth. Absent fathers, passive fathers, fathers that just bail after the test comes out positive and sadly the abusive fathers.

This blog amazingly enough gave me hope against the whole super woman-feminist i may be trying to be. You see being brought up by a single mother, a part of you wishes to be as she is at list as strong. But another part wishes to have the opposite of what she has.

Unfortunately the wanting to be like her has been winning bearing in mind the experiences i have had and stories i have listened to. Still there is a part that lives on, that holds on to the happy family dream.

As for me am not all about happily ever after but instead a better father to my kid. And this are just some of the things i would want to tell her or him :
I may not have an idea of when you will be born or even where, but i promise to give you an improved version of my upbringing. One thing is for sure i can not throw off some of your grandma's teaching n discipline ways, and i insist on the some for a reason. They made me who i am n improving them will make you better than me.

I promise you a cool and unique name that is for certain, no one can fight that. Most importantly i promise you a good father, see am not a TDH(tall dark and handsome) or BCR(brown cute and rich) kind of girl. I choose to see past all that and into the future.

A father who will be there when you pop out and getting scared of breaking you, one who will be there when you get to roll for the first time. One you will bite when you  grow some teeth, one who will be there when you crawl. One who will hold you tiny Winny arms when you learn to walk. One who will teach you how to ride a bike, nurse your wounds and wipe your tears. One who will learn how to change a diaper and train his weak stomach just to spend time with you. One who will drop you off to your first day to school and tell you all the wise words when you fight so hard not leave home.

One who will scold you when you do wrong but be there to give you a shoulder to cry on as he explains why. One who will tell you to be courageous when the bullies make fun of you. One who will be there to tell all about your first crush for you guys will be that close. One who will take a walk with you to help you through your break up.

One who will stand with you no matter what, one who you will respect rather than fear. One you will run to when he comes from work instead of looking for an excuse to go to your bedroom. One who will embrace you in front of your friends when he tries to fit in. One who will be there even at the lowest of your moments.

I will always be there that is a promise though we might not get "the one" we will still have each other to make us whole. And even though he will not be all that i will do my very best to be "the one" for you.

I might  not find him but know you have me, remember that.

Authenticity the epitome of perfection

I was watching the fault in the stars again, and i love its content and the plot. I learn a lot from it  especially the fact that we are mortal being and we are bound to die one day. My main thoughts include,what will we/i be remembered with?
In this movie there is a part they act out the main character's funeral. His friends prepare a eulogy and he listens to what they will say on his funeral day. Absurd to some as it may sound, i find it wise, a way of introspection and retrospection.
It brings me to think about how i live my life currently, most specifically the kind of friend i am, classmate, daughter among others. Most of us live our lives searching for that person that will understand us, love us despite our imperfection, be there for us no matter what. It's like everyone's visualization  of  Mr/Mrs right,not in terms of spouses but also friends.
All my thoughts converge to a certain point "am i that friend, that person i want others to be?" Don't we all come to the point we conclude that and even write down how we will change.
We all realise this but how many times do we actually put it into serious consideration. Unfortunately we never attain a 10 and most times we get to a 7 and fall right back to a 1 or worse 0. Do we then sulk at the corner and give up on this mission? I doubt it.
We are imperfect in ourselves and no matter what we do or how much we dry we can never be perfect. We may conceal the flaws with plastics or cover the wounds with bandages or conceal the scar and even locket our skeletons in a closet no one will ever find. But the truth is there are there and we know they are.
I feel as though am not making sense but before i continue blabbing,my point is this. The strongest friendships,relationships,partnership and all kind of "-ships" are those that the both of you are aware of each other's flaws, skeletons, wounds.
It may be a cliche or a statement you will find in most literal books but believe me its true. Though hard to achieve more of painful, there are skeletons that really hurt to expose to anyone. Flaws that make you feel vulnerable, pains of yesterday that hurt more when you remember. Wounds that are hate the slightest exposure, but its the cost you have to pay to have a strong foundation.
Some of those scary stuff hidden in the unconscious attic that you never let anyone see, may even destroy the "-ship". Some may even make it forbidden and others make the other person run away. I know all too well, but its more painful looking at the other person's eyes and happiness over what you have and knowing that its all plastic, founded on endless lies. The truth will be the end of it.
Thus its better one friendship or relationship founded on truth than a thousand founded on lies. I prefer one genuine smile than ten plastic ones(pretence).
God himself also urges us to make up our minds what we want to be "..its either you are hot or cold"..." ..you cannot dine with God and demons at the same time".
So make up your mind what kind of person you want to be, how do you want to be remembered. And please plastic smiles and friendships do not go anywhere or profit anyone#just_sayin.

this how i start off 2015

27 days into the new year,and happy new year everyone.
This time am doing it a little bit different, new year with new things right?
well 2014 has been the hardest year i have had all my life in all aspects, socially,spiritually,emotionally and all other aspect even those i don't know exist.its a miracle and by Gods grace that am still alive and having my body in one piece.No, i did not get into an accident or something but it kinda felt like i did.Hit rock bottom with my head first,you can imagine the ordeal.
But hey,it is a new year and am hopeful and trusting more on GOD.

so here is something i feel summarizes my 2014.#a poem from my heart.

This kind of pain is different,not similar to the one i had or have always had of being like the unwanted child.
And not like that of having an on and off father,appearing in my success n disappearing when am in need..a friend in deed?don't you think
Not like the pain of losing a long time friends because they are moving away.
Not like the pain of watching your friend stay high and drunk to erase the problems they face.
Not like the pain of watching a loved one waste way in a hospital bed with your hands tied.
This kind of pain is different not like the one that overwhelms every fiber of your being when you see the casket lowered.
Not like the pain of betrayal,neglect and being abandoned by your own flesh and blood.
Not like the pain of being the black sheep all your life comforted only but the tears that drench your pillow every night.
This pain annihilates all happiness there in,as a matter of fact every positive emotion it dismisses.
It sucks the life out of you leaving you hopeless and lifeless.
All you see is the worst of everyone even when they mean good.
Here Is the worst part,when this pain is bottle up it erupts as an emotional breakdown.........
this kind of pain is poisonous and infectious not to mention contagious.
its rubs off on everyone around you...
this pain is not medical it goes deeper than the physical its in the soul,its in the spirit deep within beyond a cardiologist reach.......
its like a circle its end and beginning is unknown even withe writing about it i don't know how to end....
‪

Tea time

I was watching a reality show in the morning and there was this guy that was starting a website called "tea time with quincy".
I know you are wondering what that means,relax i will expain to you.

It is meant for giving people a place to air out their issues,discuss them and help each other out.We can call it an online-shrink service or online-group counselling.

It got me thinking,in our times so many people lack platforms to discuss their issues.Most of us are actually surrounded by people who either feign affection(i call them plastics) or they are there for you only when you are rich or something.
Another lot are those that listen to you to have something to rumourmonger about.Believe me it is extremely annoying,others you trust with your dreams and they take them up as your own.And that is what our friendships have evolved to unfortunately.

Have you ever hit rock bottom and hit the peak of an emotional breakdown?And in that very moment you look at your contact list,searching for someone to talk to?
Most of the times you find someone that will hear you out.But what happens when you do not get someone who will really understand your state.
In some situations you relate better with someone who has been there-done that or gone through that.What about when you cannot find that person?
There is power in prayer i know but i tend to think some christians run to prayer as a cacoon from pain.Other just bottle up emotions convincing themselves all is well.
Espesially when you are a christian and you are struggling with something,and you are surrounded by judgemental guys.This behavior really pisses me off,for God is love and how can you be a believer and be so damn cold.
Forgive me if that offends you but truth be told i get tired of such people.Anywho may the Lord be with them and convict them,and help them learn what love is about(1corinthians13.)
That was not the aim of this post though,the point is if though you don't really get what someone is going through be there for them.Research about it if you could,ask around or something but make sure you are there for them.

Those replies that go like"you will be okay just believe" or "trust in God and you will be fine."Trust me i love God and trust him fully,but He gave you brains and a role as the victim's friend to help them understand the problem and get a solution.
We wonder why people look fine one minute and the other they commit suicide.If you have someone close to you that committed suicide,look into his/her relations.Were his/her friends there for him/her?
Statistics show that most people especially teenagers that kill themselves are those with a low self esteem.In reference to the reality show i was watching there was a girl whose mother was a celebrity and she was beautiful,curvaceous and all that.The daughter on the other hand was a plus size,living in the shadow of her mother depressed her.
I love this reference because it affects me somehow. Most times you find the friends that are suppose to be there for you,are those that tend to be the ones tossing those annoying comments that they think are funny.For instance:that 'cheche show' on Citizen T.V. is hosted by this lady(i cannot recall her name),and a friend of mine saw her and was like"Jarkie ona pia madame ka wewe wanaeza kua news presenters"
And i faked those smiles that fade within a second.You may think am paranoid but those comments do hurt their are not funny.Believe me am not victimizing myself either, am strong but other are not.In the present day we have been feed by images of the ideal size and when you as a friend keep on pointing at that out,you are not helping.
The bible points out that,the compassion you are shown by the Lord also show to others with equal measure.That is my point exactly,practise empathy and be there for your friends,even though you don't understand what they are going through.Just  by merely spending time with them helps though you won't say much.Do all you can for them,show your care in whatever way,have that tea talk with them.Don't push them away to look for the compassion elsewhere,they might not get it.

(I appreciate comments,corrections,appreciation and sharing my posts out.It helps me grow in my writing and broadens my thinking.Thank you and may the good God bless y'all)

The smite feeling.

Today am going to be vulnerable,i even doubt whether i will or i should share this.But someone once told me a problem shared is half solved,yeah i know its a clinche.
Here goes,have you ever reached a point in your life you think the search is over.Yeah am actually talking about what you are thinking,love.
I love fairytales,the likes of sleeping beauty,snow white,the princes on the highest tower(i do not know it's name) and the famous cinderella.But i have never been the people that wait for prince charming,the white or dark knight.
I am a simple girl so my dream man was simple too.(I will keep that dream man to myself).To me it was not about looks or money,it was much about personality,character,vision in life and principles.Most important respects his Maker,OUR LORD.
So i meet him at first i had my doubts but with time the doubts seemed to pass away.I cannot really explain the feeling but it was just there.(The feeling of the search is over).Believe me i was happy really hope going with the flow as the days went by,the love blossomed.
Then one fateful day,that message everyone dreads.A slap on the face is nothing compared to it,nor is a hard kick on the back.That heart shattering feeling that seems to be detected by every nerve in your body.
When you smile the memory of yesterday fades it away completely.Tears seem to be your daily dominant emotion,but you keep strong and tell yourself it is well.
Don't really know whether that is bottling up feelings but all i know is i don't like this feeling.Funny still there is a voice at the back of you mind that whispers,"you have to go through hardship to strengthen your courage,even a pregnant woman has to go through labour pains before giving life to that bouncing baby"
Thus i would say am better than okay,....okay!yeah that is just lying to myself.But am striving for the light i see at the end of this darkness,the relief i will get after this pain.And the joy of taking part in the 'after-feast'of this turmoil,donot know what the feast will contain though.All i can do is hope on,believe and pray for a better tomorrow.
Am encouraged by revelation 4:1b"come up here and i will show you what must happen after this"
#Trusting and obeying

Parental demeanors

I have to ask this and please help me out guys,what does respecting your parents mean?I know what you are thinking,daah simple obey and do what they tell you.Respect accrding to my dictionary is to show admiration for somebody or something because of their good qualities or achievements.Moreover,polite behaviour towards or care for somebody or something that you think is important.In this context am tempted to ask what does showing admiration or polite behaviour like?

According to what has prompted me to write this,i have been obliged to believe is going along with everything the parents tell you without questioning.And questioning is counted as disrespect to those who were raised by parents who thought the same.My main question is what do i profit by just accepting everything without airing my views?And if i dnt i will end up complain in myself and bottling up emotion.

I know,understand and obey ephesians 6:1-3 but i must insist on verse 4 that states"Fathers,do not exasperate your children;instead,bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Exasperate means to annoy or irritate somebody very much.
This are the times i get on my knees and pray for grace to handle thia amount of emotion and hope that in my next generation i will treat my kids in a different  way.
Giving them a platform to express their feeling and their view of everything,though in all this show respect.With the psychology i have read bottling up emotion leads to even great mental complications and disorders.
Nevertheless,i know am not the only one struggling with this kind of emotions but lets all remember how far our parents have brought us up.They may fall short of some things that may be of greater value to ourselves but they are still our parents.Lets pray that the lord shall help us to accept and learn how to deal with such emotions. And to not end up in an emotional outburst that will lead to saying things we will regret.
I have to admit i hope i get this into my system and heal my tantrums.